fairjennet: Text only. "In the beginning, there was nothing, which exploded." (team sg-1)
[personal profile] fairjennet
Hold the phone, guys. I have a shiny new fandom, and I’m actually writing stuff for it. \o/

Title: Interview With the Gatekeeper
Author: fairjennet
Fandom: SG-1
Characters: Walter Harriman, Teal’c
Notes: Written for the [livejournal.com profile] stargateland “Anywhere But Here” challenge. Unbetaed.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Just playing.
Summary: Walter only thinks he gets along with stoic aliens.



“And I’m nervous, right? Because this was being recorded for posterity, and my last interview with Bergman was—well, it was kind of awkward. So there I was, trying to answer this guy’s questions without saying anything too stupid. It wasn’t like I could refuse to be there, I mean, you don’t say no to a general when he tells you to cooperate. But I could tell Bergman’s guy was getting impatient, you know, because there wasn’t really anything else to say once I described my job.

So, I’m kind of stammering along about pride and trust—nothing I hadn’t said before—and I can just feel the sweat trickling down my collar. There’s this bright light shining in my face, and, let me tell you, I had a really hard time looking at the camera instead of the dialing computer. I mean, I know the gate address to the alpha site like the back of my own hand. It was pretty tempting to just dial it and then run down to the gate room, up the ramp, and leap on through. Ha! Give them a show, wouldn’t it?

But you get the picture; I would have rather been anywhere in the galaxy as long as I didn’t have to sit in front of that camera anymore. So, the guy, kind of desperate to get me to say something interesting by now—we’d been sitting there, I don’t know, for what felt like hours—so, he asks me, ‘What do you think about the leader of SG-1 these days?’

And I’m about to tell them how Lt. Cameron Mitchell is a real hero, and then maybe go on a bit about how SG-1 is the heart and soul, really, of Stargate Command. But when I open my mouth what comes out is, “Do you know how you can tell when there’s a pilot at your party?’

And of course, the guy knows the answer; it’s, like, the oldest joke in the book. He says, ‘He’ll tell you himself.’ And I’m feeling kind of stupid now, but he goes on to say something like, ‘You can’t pull one over on me. My father was Air Force, and besides, they were probably telling that one back in the Stone Age.’ He maybe laughs a little, and I’m picturing an open wormhole and me in a tac vest again. I mean, I really want to get away from that camera—especially after crashing and burning like that. I can even feel my own heart beating where I’ve got my arms crossed over my chest.

So I say, ‘Come on, that joke can’t be any older than the Wright Brothers, at least. You have to have pilots to make pilot jokes.'

This has him kind of stumped for a moment, I can tell. But then he says, ‘From what I understand, there’s been an alien presence on Earth since before the ancient Egyptians. Surely some of those--’ The guy has to stop and look down at his notes for a second. ‘—ah--Jaffa were pilots?’

So, then, I say—and this is really great—I say, ‘Have you actually met any Jaffa? Because they’re not much for jokes.’ Ha! You should have seen his face. ‘Have you met any Jaffa,’ I said. Can you believe I said that?”

“Indeed, WalterHarriman.”

“I know! I just looked right into the camera and—Teal’c? Hey, where are you going? Teal’c?”



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